Monday, September 8, 2014

Life Coaching for Busy People- BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO!


Do you know someone going through a bad break up?  We have all been through one and it's no fun. In fact it's very difficult to get through up a bad break until you go through the entire process.  That includes;

1.  Shock, broken heart, crying.
2.  Anger and numbness adjusting to change.
3.  Grief and loss mourning the death of the relationship.
4.  Acceptance, adapting to a new life style.
5.  Maturity and moving on through life.

 If you wanted the break up, it might be a little easier on you, however the person being rejected can suffer greatly.  When a break up occurs in a relationship with years of invested time, it can be a total shake up in your life. You share the same friends, family and in some cases, children.  If there is any chance of saving a marriage, you should get professional help, a Pastor or Counselor have great success rates helping couples with therapy and spiritual counseling.

 If you are in the middle of a break up and there is no turning back, just accept the first few weeks as your transitional phase and processing the shock of it all.  Once you accept the change it will be easier to move into the next phase of life, reinventing yourself and carving out a new beginning.

Believe it or not a break up can actually be the best thing that has ever happened to you, if it triggers you to become a more spiritually, physically, and mentally balanced person.


1.  Realize you can only control yourself.  If the other person doesn't want to be with you don't try to manipulate them to be with you.  If you don't want to be with the other person, end it quickly and honestly. You can only control your actions and you want them to be stellar, regardless of how it ends.

2. Don't call, text, or email.  Accept the break up, don't try to manipulate or coerce someone into being with you in a relationship.  It would be unhealthy for you to hang on to someone who doesn't want to be with you.  If you are the person breaking up, DO NOT continue to try and be friends and "check" in on them.  It could give them false hope, they might think  you really do care about them and want to stay in the relationship.

3. Get rid of all triggers that remind you that person. It's important to clean house, put everything in a box until you are healthy enough to deal with it, if you are the one suffering rejection.  If you are the one breaking up and moving on, it's still healthy to take down pictures and other memorabilia from the relationship.

4.  Do a self assessment.  Take a look at yourself in a full body mirror.   Are you happy with your clothing style?  Do you like your hairstyle?  Have you been wanting to get into shape but didn't have the time because you were so involved in the relationship? Do you like your job?  Do you have something you have been wanting to do for years but never had the guts to do it?
Write down on a piece of paper all the things you love about yourself, then the things you want to change about yourself.  Then just DO IT!! 

5.  Reinvent yourself.   Change your hair color, style and even your make-up.  Pick up a new tan at a salon or out of a bottle.  Update your wardrobe with some new items.  Get a new cologne or perfume.  Add one new athletic sport to your life and one new hobby, you will open up a whole new social life.  To spiritually connect start trying out new churches.  When you find the right one, you will know it.  In a nutshell, become a better you. 

6.  Be Adventuresome.  Have you ever wanted to go on a mission trip to a 3rd world country, hike a mountain, take cooking classes, salsa dance, fly a plane,  mountain bike or Zumba?  Now is the time to try something new, different and something you can be passionate about!  JUST DO IT!

7.  Don't waste time with a victim mentality.  It's unbecoming and any new dates don't won't to hear about how victimized you were in the last relationship.  You can have a hundred different people that would offer or want  to marry you in this lifetime.  100 different people you could date and have a 100 totally different life styles.  There is not one big soul mate like you see  in the movies.  It's just two people committed to sharing their life together, sticking it out through the tough times and never getting divorced.

8.  Find a strong support system.  Good friends and family are your most valuable asset through a break up.  They will be your support system encouraging you and helping you through your transitional stage.  Your friends and family may be honest and tell you, they never really liked the person you were with in the first place because you two weren't a good fit. If you don't feel comfortable with family or friends it might be good to talk to a Life Coach ( sometimes you just need an unbiased third party to help encourage through the rough times.   Remember, don't settle for an unhealthy relationship.  The next person you get in a relationship with, may be the right person for you.  You then will be glad you walked away from the last relationship amicably.

9.  Change your routines, and enjoy the ride.  We have all heard the clichés about taking time to smell the roses.  When is the last time you did smell a rose?  How about  taking a scenic drive through the mountains or the country?  How about taking a different route to work?  Get yourself out of the mundane on the simple daily routines.  Clear your head and enjoy the ride.

10. Find a best friend and you will find the perfect mate.  Some people say opposites attract.  In some cases that maybe true, however finding someone you have a lot in common with can make life a whole lot easier.  If you share a passion for something, spiritually or physically like cycling, hiking, cooking, church  etc...that offers you a companion to play with for a life time.  My husband is my best friend and playmate (see picture above).  We both survived bad break ups.  You can too!!

For more information on Getting through a Break-up or other Life Coaching go to  For more information on Laura go to



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